I have nothing to say. What had caused this fiasco in our friendship is how one would not admit it's own mistake.

I don't understand, why and how on earth there is someone like her thick-skinned, nasty and mean. Talking to her is really 对牛弹琴 or a crude word 跟石头讲话. I thought that time can change one's personality. I had been telling my family and friends that she is changing but I am deceiving myself in the end. 江山难改，本性难移. On her case, these words are totally suitable for her. I am not going to waste my breath and saliva anymore.

Hmm... It is December now, 2009 is coming to an end soon. A new year, a new beginning. What will be waiting ahead of me? I don't know, life is unpredictable...

Yesterday, I went back to PRCS to collect my paintings. I believe that my last final painting was not shown to people outside the Art class before so I took a photo of it. I am really happy that my last minutes work did not totally spoil my painting. I am glad that Art, Music and I have found each other. Without them, I may be still talentless after all I am a"half person", always give up before something is completed. Lastly, thanks Yi Ling for helping me the moving, we will meet up soon.

18th years had past since the day I was born. This 18 years I had been like on a roller coaster ride. Sometimes happy, sometimes not. I really did not have fun while living on the earth. It is really been very hard for me to live on these years with so many emotions wounds.

That’s why now I am still unable to walk out from my little corner, my little world. However, now as an young adult, I think it is time for my to leave this messy situations with a laugh.

Yes, totally growing up…

I had always been telling myself to grow up. 15th , 16th and 17th birthday past by but I never get to do it. Now at the age of 18, even by force, I have to grow up. I had been far too ignorant with the outside world and it is time to venture out. Even if it is another failure for me, I will not hide back in to my shell and face my everyday challenges with a smile.

I will not be a child anymore, it is time to learn some true independence. I had been childish for all my life. It is kind of embarrassed to see people of the same age as me are so mature while I am not. I always wished I was them but I think it is also time to take some action so I can be one.

With 18th birthday arrival, I have also another mission to do.

It had been seven years since the diagnosed of learning disability, Dyslexia. Probably I used this as an excuse for not growing up, an excuse for everything too long. Far too long. I am slow, dyslexia is to be blamed. I am immature, dyslexia again…

People around me had always said that having such disability is either bad or good but what matter most it is how I see this disability. It is true from what kinds of point view you regard about this disability. I can be like Lee Kuan Yew (be that successful) or the man (who has problems with filling up a job application form). However, I have not taken the first step to befriend with my disability, never take the opportunity to unleashed my sleeping potentials. Hence, it is time to search for them. If I don’t search for them, I will never be a better person.

I am going to dedicate most of my time with God now. I want to learn trust from him.

To step out of my little world, I have to learn to trust. From time to time I will be very paranoid on friends, classmates and anyone around. Thinking that someone talking behind my back, friends are not truly befriending me. I thought that after having sessions with Mrs Ho on letting go my hate over bullies and backstabbing past, I am unburdening my pile of weight. Apparently, That does not help much. I do not realised that this is only the first minor step to lessen my burden. If I want to be happy, I have to start to trust.

I am going to work for the best future I can get. I am still sticking to this old rule of mine even if I totally grow up and that is not afraid of listening to other bad comments. It may be hurtful but that is the feedback for me to improve.

Lastly, Happy 18th Birthday to me. (20th November)

The Birthday Chains Began...

13rd Nov - Wennie Jie Jie's Birthday

• Happy 30th Years, wish you happy and give birth to a healthy baby girl. I will pray hard that she will be a Lunar New Year newborn and grab more ang pows... Muahaha...
  

14th Nov - Aunty Helen's and Sam's Birthday

• One of my favourite aunt, wish her to lead a happy and easy-going life...
• Miss Nasty, Happy 17th to you... My only advice: Please change for the best, throw away your nasty attitude...

20th Nov - My Officially 18 day

• Will write my "birthday speech" on that day

22nd Nov - One of My Niece Birthday

• Not very sure which niece of mine but one thing for sure, I am getting old as she grows...
  

I am back to blogging...

I am not going to rant and fare how is my examinations, because I am such a let-down person.
But a few things for sure...

• I am so going to say good-bye to Ngee Ann Polytechnic and my beloved humanities courses.
• Chances of getting into ITE is still higher than Polytechnics.
• I am ready to pick up any design courses (this 1 year of rest is really worth it!!)

Whatever it is, my road will be clear after the results... Just hope that it can improve to 15 points, which I had try to target.

Graduation once again but with a different feeling, lonely and confused...

Countdown to officially 18 : 8 days

Countdown to O's: 5 weeks 2 days!!!!

It's coming nearer and nearer... I just wish I am not involved in this major examinations any more. This year's papers will be a tough one... Just by deducing from the August English Language Oral topics, I think it is going to be a struggle. (Can you believe the day 10 topic is war?? Most of my classmates were stunned by it... Lucky, I took mine on day 9 but still not a good job done.)

Everyone must be in study mode now, but that class I am with is not. Well, it is still noisy as if O's is in million years time... People, please start working. You should not feel regrets at the end, for not doing well in O Levels. Are you all going to waste a year in secondary 5? Or at least, Please be considerate, that some of us are trying hard to study, and not make noise during lessons time.

All of you ought to be content that despite the class only have 39 students and the school Sec 5NA will not be rank next year, the school is willing to teach and invest money on your academic. They encourage you to work hard so that you can have good results. You may think that I do not have the right to say these but let me tell you that you all are very lucky to have this school.

Why? you may ask this questions yourself?

Would you prefer a school that concern their students' academic, provide you good environment and facilities to study in (eg: Air-Conditioned Classroom), encourage you to work hard, having the principal to come to teach you personally and praise you for your good effort toward studies??

OR...

Would you prefer a school that only has ranking in mind, less-privileged facilities (computer lads that are not Air-Conditioned, only four standing fans are provided), getting a verbal-lashing for no improvement in results, remembering the school's not one but numerous quotations and have to face big graph charts on school past academic results almost everyday, with the target of making the graph going up every year??

I am sure you will choose the first one isn't it?? I am a 过来人, I have already see more than you all do. Okay, maybe you all may think that I did not study hard enough that why I need to repeat sec 5 again thus have no say in criticising yours' actions but that is wrong. It was due to stress that affect my health, I had failed my exams. Stress created out by the school wanting to have quality results. Stress created by piles and piles of homework. (Imagine having to hand in 7 assignments the next day? What it would be like?) Stress due to lack of sleep. (Try beating my record, less than six or one hour of sleep and especially, during exams period).

Think again, it is the attitude and the effort you put in, are the teachers' reward for teaching you wholeheartedly. Make sure you make a decision from it. I hope to see everyone start working NOW!!!

Of course, you can choose to ignore this crazy girl's ranting, especially that gang of people, who always talk behind my back. It is your choice....